remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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