Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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