Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
