I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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