ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize