just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I didn't notice because vodka
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
