I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
