Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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