Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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