it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
