I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
