guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
