how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think i have two assholes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
