Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
