just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
