My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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