if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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