How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
