I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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