Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
