apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize