4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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