There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
