I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
