Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Alive.
So much puke
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
