Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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