I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
