I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize