I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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