So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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