I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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