got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
