And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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