This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
too bad you live with your parents still
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
