and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Found your dick twin last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
