i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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