Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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