id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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