Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
