whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
