Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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