I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
