Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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