That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
