Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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