I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
