Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
