So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
