My friends, they love my intelligence
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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