My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
