so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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