Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
