my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
