They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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