Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
