Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
