Screwed.edu
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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