it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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