I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
