$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize