Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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