Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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