I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize